Funny Birthday Quotes That Are As Funny As They Are True

It’s your friend’s birthday and you are giving yet another boring birthday card. Scenario one: you give them that boring birthday card, they smile politely and thank you. Scenario two: you give them a birthday card with one of these funny birthday quotes, they laugh their a** off and you look like a winner.

So don’t be a boring Betty, and give your friend a laugh!

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What goes up and never comes down?

Your age.

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Congratulations on being born a long ass time ago!

Being related to me is the only gift you need. Just saying!

Happy Birthday

Another birthday and I don’t think you look a day older.

It’s fun to play pretend, isn’t it?

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At least you’re not as old as you will be next year.

Birthdays are like boogers, the more you have the harder it is to breathe.

The birthday candles won’t be the only ones getting lit in the kitchen.

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Some birthday advice. Forget the past, you can’t change it.

Forget the present, I didn’t get you one.

Happy Birthday!


Happy Birthday

Look I’m not saying you’re old, but if you were milk, I’d sniff you first.

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You’re not old.

You’re 25 plus shipping and handling.


Because I don’t care if it’s happy.

Don’t mind getting old.

Just take your bucket list and changed the “B” to an “F”

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You have me

so I don’t know what else you have to wish for

…..but knock yourself out.

Look who’s all grown up

and ready for a


Happy birthday to someone old enough to have lived through the hardships of not being able to Google something.

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I got you this card because it matches your hair.

It’s never too late to be what you want to be…..

unless you want to be younger than you’re screwed.

One minute you’re young and fun.

And the next, you’re turning down the stereo to see better.

Happy Birthday

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Happy birthday gorgeous!

May your cake be moist.


Too many candles

The Cat in the Hat on Aging

You cannot see,

You cannot pee,

You cannot chew,

You cannot screw.

Oh, my God, what can you do?

Your memory shrinks

Your hearing stinks

No sense of smell

You look like hell

You’re another year older

And you kind of smell

Happy Birthday

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Another 365 days since you fell out of a vagina


You hear that rattling?

It’s the sound of your youth slipping away.

Happy Birthday

Another year older? Don’t worry….

You’re not old as long as your boobs and your face are still in the same picture.

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This cake is so big, I wish it had handles

It’s extra-large to hold all your candles

Because you’re old.

Happy Birthday

May you laugh till you leak.

I was going to make you a rum cake for your birthday

But now it’s just cake and I’m drunk.

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Don’t worry about getting older

You’re still going to do dumb stuff, only slower.


(n.) A day to celebrate that you haven’t died in the last year.

4 thoughts on “Funny Birthday Quotes That Are As Funny As They Are True”

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