It’s your friend’s birthday and you are giving yet another boring birthday card. Scenario one: you give them that boring birthday card, they smile politely and thank you. Scenario two: you give them a birthday card with one of these funny birthday quotes, they laugh their a** off and you look like a winner.
So don’t be a boring Betty, and give your friend a laugh!
What goes up and never comes down?
Your age.
Congratulations on being born a long ass time ago!
Being related to me is the only gift you need. Just saying!
Happy Birthday
Another birthday and I don’t think you look a day older.
It’s fun to play pretend, isn’t it?
At least you’re not as old as you will be next year.
Birthdays are like boogers, the more you have the harder it is to breathe.
The birthday candles won’t be the only ones getting lit in the kitchen.
Some birthday advice. Forget the past, you can’t change it.
Forget the present, I didn’t get you one.
Happy Birthday!
OLD LIVES MATTER
Happy Birthday
Look I’m not saying you’re old, but if you were milk, I’d sniff you first.
You’re not old.
You’re 25 plus shipping and handling.
BIRTHDAY
Because I don’t care if it’s happy.
Don’t mind getting old.
Just take your bucket list and changed the “B” to an “F”
You have me
so I don’t know what else you have to wish for
…..but knock yourself out.
Look who’s all grown up
and ready for a
COLONOSCOPY
Happy birthday to someone old enough to have lived through the hardships of not being able to Google something.
I got you this card because it matches your hair.
It’s never too late to be what you want to be…..
unless you want to be younger than you’re screwed.
One minute you’re young and fun.
And the next, you’re turning down the stereo to see better.
Happy Birthday
Happy birthday gorgeous!
May your cake be moist.
WARNING – FIRE RISK
Too many candles
The Cat in the Hat on Aging
You cannot see,
You cannot pee,
You cannot chew,
You cannot screw.
Oh, my God, what can you do?
Your memory shrinks
Your hearing stinks
No sense of smell
You look like hell
You’re another year older
And you kind of smell
Happy Birthday
Another 365 days since you fell out of a vagina
Hooray
You hear that rattling?
It’s the sound of your youth slipping away.
Happy Birthday
Another year older? Don’t worry….
You’re not old as long as your boobs and your face are still in the same picture.
This cake is so big, I wish it had handles
It’s extra-large to hold all your candles
Because you’re old.
Happy Birthday
May you laugh till you leak.
I was going to make you a rum cake for your birthday
But now it’s just cake and I’m drunk.
Don’t worry about getting older
You’re still going to do dumb stuff, only slower.
BIRTHDAY
(n.) A day to celebrate that you haven’t died in the last year.